Friday, August 27, 2010

I TOTALLY Got To Second Base at Dillard's

Two blog posts in a relatively short amount of time? You're welcome.

Here's what happened:

In the last week I have snapped TWO under-wires in my favorite bras, seriously... you know the feeling. Just sitting at your desk minding your own business and SNAP! I have worn the same type of bra from Victoria's Secret for about 6 years now, it really was pretty comfortable and fit me well... but something always happened to them... the under-wire snapped, the elastic came apart, the under-wire popped out of the side... not to mention they are usually about 45 bucks. Don't tell me it wasn't the right size either! I totally didn't have back fat or boob spillage, and I had been measured. Anyway... after this whole fiasco I decided that I was done... so I said goodbye to my beloved bra (and yes... it looked EXACTLY like that on me... Jealous?):

Fast forward to the next day... I decide that Dillard's is going to be my first stop. I buy perfume and purses there, why not a bra? This is when it all began. I started browsing the racks at Dillard's and I find the softest bra ever, so I just grab 2 in my **Victoria's Secret** size and I'm thinking I'm going to be on my way. I'm checking out and the lady is staring at my chest and she says "I need to measure you, this bra is not going to fit." I respond with "oh, I've been fitted before, these should be fine," I'm on my lunch hour... I didn't feel like messing with this. So the lady finally says "Let's go in the dressing room... you don't even have to take your shirt off!"

We get into the dressing room and she measures me and then says "lift up your shirt." My face probably looked like I was petrified "old lady say meh?" She then repeats herself: "lift up your shirt... I need to see the bottom of your bra." At this point all I can think of is that she promised I could stay fully clothed. She then proceeded to poke and prod at my bra and all of the contents therein... she didn't even offer to buy me a drink, which is just rude. I'm not a whore, lady.

Anyway... she stares and measures for awhile and then says something that literally made me gasp:

"Honey... you're an F."

WHAT THE HELL IS AN F?! Is that even a real cup size? She tells me that the particular bra that I'm trying is a DDD, which is close to an F... for the love of heaven... I'm going to get my own freak show on TLC.

Anyway... long story short. I got felt up at Dillard's and I'm waiting for the carnival sideshow people to call me any second and offer me a position.

Friday, August 13, 2010

The World Is Against Me

Hello, Hi, Hola (to both of you who may or may not read this),

The world is against me, and here is why:

Ever since I can remember I have been obsessed with these:

I can remember my elementary school teachers having them on their desks and I would always steal them and color with/smell them. My favorite was grape and cherry. My mom would never buy them for me because they didn't have them at Wal-Mart... you had to go to an office supply place for them and The Janet was not having that.

Skip forward 20+ years (the fact that I can even say 20+ when referencing my life should freak me out more than it does)... when I worked for UB I had these wonderful markers at all times due to having an almost unlimited budget at a local small-town office supply store (handwritten receipts y'all). My obsession only grew when I had them at all times, not only do these things smell like candy, they also color better than any marker I have ever used. Then it came time to leave UB to further my career and I did not take my beloved markers with me.

Skip forward a little less this time (we'll say 1 week). I'm "helping" Kyle (who we will refer to as "Cal" for the remainder of this post) get ready for RA Training in his office (by "helping" I mean whining to go get ice cream and saying things like "that makes no sense" repeatedly) and I spot them... 4 BRAND NEW boxes of Mr. Sketch Scented markers... and on top of this they're the JUMBO BOXES. My heart begins beating rapidly, I can feel my palms getting sweaty wanting to reach for them. I know if I ask to color with them he'll tell me no because they are for something way more lame than me drawing people with real body parts except for hands, because every time I try to draw a human hand it looks like they are flipping someone off by accident. I finally decide it's time so I scoot closer to the markers and stare at him and say "I can has these?" to which he replies "no, they are for training." I decide I'm going to be nice and just smell them while I think of a way to steal them. I try to say things like "you know what's good for people to use... SHARPIES! You could give one center SHARPIES! Doesn't that sound like a good idea??" Cal replies "no." Fine. I give up because our relationship is more important than scented markers right? Not really... but in light of not sounding like a total loon I'll go with it for the sake of this post.

I post my worries on facebook about how Cal no longer loves me because he won't give me these markers and go on about my life... marker-less and depressed.

Skip forward to today... I am talking with my old UB coworker and friend Jaime and she says "I found your markers the other day." WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?! So I reply "GIMME MY MARKERS!" Jaime says no, and that if I want to get my beloved markers back I have to go all the way to Sallisaw to retrieve them. She is holding them hostage, and I'm going to call the police.

So to wrap it up. Cal has Mr. Sketch Scented Markers and I can't have them. Jaime has MY (and by "MY" I mean the State of Oklahoma's)Mr. Sketch Scented Markers and won't give them back, and I am refusing to buy new ones on the basic principle of "there are too many boxes roaming around so I refuse to buy some." Until the next time I'm near an Office Depot.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Yep, I Sleep Walk

One thing most people don't know about me is that I am a sleep walker. I am also a sleep talker, I kick in my sleep, and I am just all around crazy when it comes to sleeping.

Last night apparently I had one of my more productive sleep walking sessions. I call it productive because I definitely get a lot of stuff I've been meaning to do done.

1. I took off all the couch cushions and put them in bed with me... because why wouldn't I want 4 overstuffed cushions crowding up the bed?

2. I put the remote on the top stair of the staircase... because I'm sure I knew how easy that would be to find later.

3. I woke up with an unopened Hi-C juice box in my hand.... even sleepy Kacee knows she is thirsty in the morning.

4. I put my pants over the shower rod in the bathroom... who needs pants anyway I ask you?!

5. I put all of my bed's throw pillows inside my closet... because it was really easy to jump over a thousand pillows to get to my clothes this morning.

Anyway... usually my sleepwalking nights are not this productive, but last night's definitely was. Usually I just wake myself up opening a door or turning on the tv, but I guess I had a lot on my agenda for last night... It reminded me a lot of this:

I hope mine was that funny....

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Why Yes I **Am** Psychic

Short blog to let you know I'm psychic...

So yesterday I'm driving in my car and a song pops into my head.  I sing it outloud for a moment and you know what the next song on the radio is... that's right, the song I was singing!  Now I know you're wondering why I haven't told you which song it was (but if you can read you can see it below)... I'm getting to that part.  It wouldn't be weird if I was listening to a Top 20 station and started thinking about Boom, Boom, Pow, or listening to a country station and thinking about She's Country...

This is the song I was singing (a song I haven't heard in probably 10 years)....

You're welcome world.... 1992, yes, yes, ya'll

Thursday, May 21, 2009

The Curious Incident of the Spaghetti in the Garbage Disposal

OK folks... here's the story:

So the other night I decided to make us spaghetti for dinner and I thought "oh, I'll just half the package and put the rest back in the cabinet." FAIL! I was pouring it in and the whole package got dumped. No biggie, I'll just make it all and save the rest.

So all of the food is ready and I'm not gonna lie... it looks like something Paula Deen made ya'll (because I'm sure Paula uses Ragu). We eat and I start the dreaded process of cleaning up the kitchen, because you know Kyle isn't going to help when something is on MTV that he has seen 30 times already.

During the clean up I think "ya know what... I don't' want to keep all this pasta." So I pour it into the garbage disposal and this happens:

Spaghetti SHOOTS out of the other side of the sink... sticks to the walls... Bark's standing in the middle of it all with pasta hanging out of his mouth and stuck to his little head while I'm thinking "can a dog even eat pasta?" All this time the sink is filling with water and pasta is still flying around my kitchen. I turn of the disposal and call the maintenance man because there is no way I'm attempting to fix this one.

So the maintenance man comes in and he's all "how much pasta did you put in here?" I shrugged and said "oh, not much," which was a total lie, because I know it was like 2 pounds of that stuff. I also neglected to mention that I didn't turn the water on until after I had already stuffed it down the disposal.

I'm still picking spaghetti off of my walls, and it's been awhile. Oops...

Monday, May 4, 2009

The Mac is Back

Oh Blahgs...

It has been awhile since I have done this... probably because I haven't been to any good concerts... until now that is...

Oh.My.Gosh. Fleetwood Mac was a-mazing! I can't even begin to describe how fantastic it was... Stevie Nicks is the epitome of cool. The whole time I was just thinking "I can't believe I am in the same room with Stevie Nicks." I just think she is such a free spirit that it makes her 10 times cooler. She doesn't even care that she is swaying around on the stage like Nell (you know.. that Jodie Foster movie... that's right).

As we were sitting there watching the concert Kyle said he'd be right back and came back with this for me:

I was so excited... it involves four of my favorite things: Penguins, top hats, Fleetwood Mac, and totes in general.... I love it so much!

On another note... we booked our trip to Vegas for Whitney's wedding! We leave August 29th and are staying at the Bellagio... because that's how we roll.

Next up concert? Sugarland!

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Please Move It

This weekend I figured out a new pet peeve...


OK folks, I text message all the time, so I could care less about that, but being at Wal-Mart when it is crazy crowded is not the place to stop in front of me to text message someone. It makes it worse if you are wearing Uggs and a brightly colored sweatsuit. Hold still so I can punch your stupid face.

Also, I did something stupid. I was looking at my Cox bill and I was thinking "Oh my gosh I never watch any of this stuff." Really I only watch NBC, ABC, TLC, and Food Network, so when I was looking at all of the channels I have I thought "this is dumb." So I called Cox and cancelled a ton of stuff. At this point I'm feeling pretty good about myself... until tonight. I sat down to watch my fave show How It's Made and I got this message... "To order this channel please contact Cox." It killed me a little on the inside. How will I know where hot dogs come from? What about hockey boots?! This is a travesty... I think it comes on the Discovery Channel too, so I haven't lost it all, but it still hurts a little...

On another note... Happy Easter! We had a good one... church was fantastic and we had a great lunch! I hope you guys had a great one too! Peace out...