The World Is Against Me

Hello, Hi, Hola (to both of you who may or may not read this),

The world is against me, and here is why:

Ever since I can remember I have been obsessed with these:

I can remember my elementary school teachers having them on their desks and I would always steal them and color with/smell them. My favorite was grape and cherry. My mom would never buy them for me because they didn't have them at Wal-Mart... you had to go to an office supply place for them and The Janet was not having that.

Skip forward 20+ years (the fact that I can even say 20+ when referencing my life should freak me out more than it does)... when I worked for UB I had these wonderful markers at all times due to having an almost unlimited budget at a local small-town office supply store (handwritten receipts y'all). My obsession only grew when I had them at all times, not only do these things smell like candy, they also color better than any marker I have ever used. Then it came time to leave UB to further my career and I did not take my beloved markers with me.

Skip forward a little less this time (we'll say 1 week). I'm "helping" Kyle (who we will refer to as "Cal" for the remainder of this post) get ready for RA Training in his office (by "helping" I mean whining to go get ice cream and saying things like "that makes no sense" repeatedly) and I spot them... 4 BRAND NEW boxes of Mr. Sketch Scented markers... and on top of this they're the JUMBO BOXES. My heart begins beating rapidly, I can feel my palms getting sweaty wanting to reach for them. I know if I ask to color with them he'll tell me no because they are for something way more lame than me drawing people with real body parts except for hands, because every time I try to draw a human hand it looks like they are flipping someone off by accident. I finally decide it's time so I scoot closer to the markers and stare at him and say "I can has these?" to which he replies "no, they are for training." I decide I'm going to be nice and just smell them while I think of a way to steal them. I try to say things like "you know what's good for people to use... SHARPIES! You could give one center SHARPIES! Doesn't that sound like a good idea??" Cal replies "no." Fine. I give up because our relationship is more important than scented markers right? Not really... but in light of not sounding like a total loon I'll go with it for the sake of this post.

I post my worries on facebook about how Cal no longer loves me because he won't give me these markers and go on about my life... marker-less and depressed.

Skip forward to today... I am talking with my old UB coworker and friend Jaime and she says "I found your markers the other day." WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?! So I reply "GIMME MY MARKERS!" Jaime says no, and that if I want to get my beloved markers back I have to go all the way to Sallisaw to retrieve them. She is holding them hostage, and I'm going to call the police.

So to wrap it up. Cal has Mr. Sketch Scented Markers and I can't have them. Jaime has MY (and by "MY" I mean the State of Oklahoma's)Mr. Sketch Scented Markers and won't give them back, and I am refusing to buy new ones on the basic principle of "there are too many boxes roaming around so I refuse to buy some." Until the next time I'm near an Office Depot.